When insecurities or ambitions sabotage our relationships

A woman in blue jacket smiling for the camera.
Sheryl Boldt Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you pine for the pat on the back from your boss and the applause from your peers that never happens? You hide it well, but you’re worn out from constantly repenting for being so beastly jealous. Or perhaps you struggle with another type of performance-related behavior. Maybe you’re ambitious – sometimes to a fault. You always have to be the best. So much so that you have a hard time celebrating others’ success, especially when you don’t see results for all your hard work. How have your insecurities or high-performance attitudes affected your relationships? In years past, I found myself in both scenarios. Some days I still struggle with these feelings. If this message resonates with you, will you join me in asking God to show us when we need to take our focus off ourselves so we can properly love the people in our lives? Not just those we “compete” with, but with everyone we interact with. I appreciate how John 13:34 (ESV) addresses this: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” Imagine loving others – as Christ loves us. Loving others on this level would help us participate in life in a healthy, Christlike way. It would change our relationships at work, diminish our mean-spirited competitiveness and, as we consider how much God loves us, lessen our insecurities. Consider what would happen if we applied this week’s verse in all our relationships. For instance, if I treated my husband, Bert, with John 13:34 in mind, it would change my marriage. When we, as God’s beloved children, no longer act as if life is all about us, we begin to see others and their needs in a clearer light. We begin to see ourselves in a clearer light too. When we love others as Christ loves us, we become different people. More confident. Less selfish. More humble. Our witness (the way we live in front of those who are watching us) is no longer compromised when we behave – and love – like the One Who loves us magnificently. For the rest of this Christmas season and into the new year, rather than comparing ourselves to others or seeing our co-workers or family members as rivals, let’s, as God’s dearly loved children, forsake our insecurities and selfish ambitions – and watch how it changes our relationships. Sheryl H. Boldt is the author of the blog, Connect with her at

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